Why I Took Away My Children's Christmas Presents...And Why You Should Too!

I will shamelessly admit I have played the “you-better-be-good-or-Im-taking-your-presents-away card for much of December.  And when I have had to make that warning far too many times in one day, I actually removed a present from under the tree.

(And since our family participates in the 3 gift rule at Christmas, each present carried some serious importance to each kid.}

Each present removal was followed with crying, screaming and sometimes some huffing and puffing with foot stomps down the hall. 

I gave the children the opportunity to “earn back” ONE present each day, by doing chores and maintaining good behavior.  (Seriously, why is this so much to ask?)

I think that is fair.  Lets give the kids a chance to redeem themselves, right?

But lo and behold, one of my older children, had one present under the tree and the other had a whopping goose egg.  Poor P, he couldn’t earn back a present before losing it in an hours time.  {We’ve seen a lot of tears, crossed arms and trips to timeout, guys.}

 

We were told by our five and six year olds that it was going to be the worst Christmas ever. 

And for a moment (or a hundred moments), I felt like a failing mother.  I was embarrassingly stooping to bribing my kids for good behavior, which doesn’t win me any Mother of the Year Nominations.  My kids couldn’t get along with one another from the second Winter Break began, and my winter cold bronchitis was taking everything I had out of me.

But I was also a mom with a plan.

Those disobedient, crying, screaming, LOVED children went to bed Christmas Eve, expecting the worst Christmas Ever…Like, Ever!  But when they woke, they came to the tree with all the presents that they had originally had.  All their presents were back and waiting for them to enjoy.

Wait, WHAT?  They didn’t EARN them back.  Oh, no, they probably actually were in the negative on that agenda.

They were given rules, told to follow them…or lose these gifts.  AND they were even given a chance to redeem themselves!  Really??

{And before you start thinking I just caved and gave the presents to them because of my own guilt, or satisfaction, keep reading.}

This is what we taught them Christmas morning this year:

They can't redeem themselves, and they showed us that.  The only one who can redeem them is JESUS.

They never earned back their gifts.  Nope.  Given many chances, but still…nope!

Kinda like ALL of us.  Right?  Arent we all given many (many) chances, and still fall and mess up?  We certainly didn’t earn the greatest gift we ever received.

Jesus gave to us, his WHOLE self, when we weren’t at all worthy, and had not earned any of His grace.  He gave freely.

They eagerly opened the presents that they didn’t earn, because that’s like what we were given with the gift of Jesus.   We will never deserve Him, but yet we were given Him without a way for us to ever repay Him.

Not sure this lesson sunk in entirely, with our 5 and 6 year old {and I consider our 6 month old and 20 month old exempt from the lesson} but we will repeat the lesson a few years down the road to reinforce the concept.  {You know, when I feel the need to resort to bribing my children for good behavior once again.}  And maybe slowly, it will start to sink in. 

The greatest Christmas gift was never earned, could never be earned, and actually was given because of that simple fact.  We are sinful by nature, and we could never have “earned” God’s adoption of us.  Like my kids on the Christmas Eve this year, without Jesus, we really would have nothing to look forward to…

Alleluia.  Happy New Year, all!

The "Happy" Agui kids on the Eve of the "Worst Christmas Ever."

Why I blog about adoption

My Facebook friends- you know the ones who haven't seen me since high school or used to work with me three years ago or knew me during my cancer struggle- they often tell me how beautiful my family is.  How adorable my kids are.  Ive been told that my kids look like angels, at which I laughed until I snorted and choked on air.

But I actually get it.  Our family is a little bit different and it APPEARS to be great.

My kids are pretty photogenic...so Facebook gives a great impression.

But they are still REAL kids.  Adopted kids aren't some different breed of kids.  They have real issues, real tantrums and real nights where they don't sleep.

{Just like your bio kids.}

No, I didn't feel our two babies grow in my belly.   I didn't have heartburn for months or morning sickness.  But these kiddos are every bit as much mine as biological kids.  I truly feel no differently towards biological kids and adopted kids.  All four of my kids were sent to my arms in the way God had planned.  And if EVERYONE understood that, adoption wouldn't seem so "different."

I love to talk about adoption. I love to encourage it.  I love to even present the obligation we Christians have to the orphan.

Because I have a huge passion for my family.

And if the general population didnt already agree that parenting was a wonderful thing, I would blog about that.  Thank goodness, society already GETS that parenting and family is priceless.  It's important and rewarding, and everyone dreams of a life with a white picket fence and kids.

But the general population doesn't all agree that adoption is wonderful.  I would say a large part of our population never even CONSIDERS adopting, or any form of orphan care.  And because of that, I blog about adoption.  I advocate for the orphan.  I promote adoption.  I LOVE adoption.

Just like you love parenting.  
Adoption actually IS parenting for me. Adoption IS family for me.

So I want to talk about it with you.  I want to write about it.  I want it to become normal so our family and every family like us doesn't feel different.  (And this isn't for the parents' sake, we knew what we were getting into.  The unborn child who eventually became mine had no idea she/he was going to be "adopted.")

Once I feel like our society gets it, I will stop talking about it.  It won't be relevant.  Once everyone understands that kids need families, whether or not that family looks like them, I will stop my preaching on why we should take care off orphans - you know,  BESIDES that God wants us to.

Pharaoh's daughter

After my realization about Modern Moses, and my last blog post, my mind has continued to go back to the Pharaoh's daughter.

Yes, I know that I named my organization Modern Moses because of Moses' biological mother and her faith in her God that He would take care of her son.

But I also said and believe that we should be more like Pharaoh's daughter to the orphans.


Pharaoh's daughter isn't mentioned much in the bible, but what she did was inspiring, and difficult.

I have often wondered what made her defy her own father, a father who wasn't just any Egyptian man, but the RULER.  The ruler who had ordered all Hebrew baby boys to death.

What went through her mind as she found this helpless, crying baby in a basket?

Sorrow for the family who had sent him? Did she feel the desperation of another mother, deep within her soul?

Did she immediately know she was going to keep Moses?
Did her body shake with fear of her father's reaction to what she was about to do?
Did she worry her father would disown her, if she would be cast out of the "royal family?"
She was very publicly, very certainly going against her father's orders.

The bible says NOTHING of this.  It describes the encounter in a very matter of fact way.

Something I am almost sure of is this-  When Pharaoh's daughter picked up that baby, she looked into his eyes and saw a little life worth loving- and sacrificing for.   It wasn't in her heart to simply put him down, look the other way and forget about him.  She chose love, whether or not it meant sacrifice.

We don't know how the Pharaoh responded when he heard of what his daughter had done.
I can imagine anger.  It's easy to imagine anger from a man ordering the deaths of all male babies, isn't it?
Its hard to comprehend how much he probably loved his daughter, and how his love for her, brought on a sense of forgiveness and then acceptance.
However this scene played out in Pharaoh's home, we know from history that the daughter was successful in her plans to raise Moses as her own.
{You go, girl!!}

This is how we should be like the Pharaoh's daughter.

When we decide to take in an orphan child, we often don't know what we are sacrificing.
We can become scrutinized by others, for doing things differently than they would have.
We can lose some financial comfort.
We almost definitely will lose {lots and lots of} sleep.
We will agonize over parenting decisions, help with endless amounts of homework and die a little inside, each time that child gets hurt, made fun of, or struggles.

But looking into the eyes of a child, we can always see a life who is worth being loved, and worth every bit of that sacrifice.

Can't we? 

As a mother whom has adopted, I can relate to the Pharaoh's daughter.

When I see my beautiful children, I feel a deep sorrow for their birth mother.
I have also dealt with some sacrifices that come along with being a parent (biological or adoptive, truly). {SLEEP, mainly!}

I have sacrificed a good friend and her family, for what I believed was best for my family, when she simply didn't agree.   I didn't know that was going to happen when I brought a child into my home, but after loving my child, I knew that was a sacrifice I would be willing to make.

But heres the deal, guys.

When its all said and done, there will be little said about the sacrifices that were made.  What will be remembered is that the child got a new start, and had a memorable life, one that couldn't have been without orphan care.

Pharaoh's daughter isn't the hero for taking in and raising Moses.
But because she took him in, she allowed him to grow up to be a hero. 

Pretty powerful stuff, huh?

Modern Moses

In the past, I have tried to keep my blog mostly personal, about my family or my opinions on certain topics.

I specifically left out that I started an organization called Modern Moses, quickly following the adoption of my daughter, G.
I intended this organization to become a network of adoptive families in Iowa.  I wanted to link families with other families who shared a common core.  Parents who love on children who may not share the same genetics.  Children who share the same route in which they were lead to their forever families.  I long for a circle of love, trust, and mutual support within Modern Moses.

I have been praised for the name of this organization, Modern Moses, it holds such a biblical importance, everyone says.   God gave Moses an amazing ability to change history.  He was a very important person in the Christian faith.  Fellow Christians easily recognize his significance.  But he is also known in the Islam and Judaism faiths.  There is no denying that God truly used him for good.

Moses, the man, was a prince, a deliverer, a prophet.  He encountered God, one on one, several times.  God revealed His name to Moses, and ordered him to save His people.  It is through Moses' life that we witness several miracles.  The burning bush, in which, even all our children can tell you about, or the Red Sea parting to save the Israelites.  We see God speak to Moses and give him the Laws that all His people were to obey.

Truly, I could go on all day about Moses.  But I am not programmed as a preacher, and I would most definitely do him an injustice.

Going back to my Modern Moses organization, and why I named it that.

Looking at Moses, you could think, he was an influential and important enough man, and he alone is why I chose that name.

Not at all.

I chose the name because of the significance of Moses' birth mother.  Her faith that she could put her baby in a basket and it would float down the river and into the arms of another woman who would take in this child.  Her faith that he wouldn't drown, or be found by one of Pharaoh's men, and be killed.

(We could talk about Moses' life all day, but everything that he did, or every encounter he had with God, would never have happened if it wasn't for orphan care, if it wasn't for adoption.)

That faith in God, entrusting a child to be be cared for by a family who doesn't share blood, but just shares love and compassion.  Faith that by taking that risk, the child will live a better life.

That is what adoption was to me.  A huge step in faith.

BUT....
Why I am writing this blog today, is because of what I recently recognized.  And it ties to my recent blog posts.
I have been torn up inside about these Central American children living in our country.  I have been enraged by our response of putting them in facilities like prisons or warehouses.
And I have cried thousands of tears over their previous lives.  Lives that were so dangerous, and violent.  What these kids have seen in their own back yards makes me cringe.  These conditions in which a parent has to let go of their greatest treasure- their children.

Ive suffered imagining how bad a life or a world can be that a parent would send their own flesh and blood- their heart- away to a foreign land, with just a faith that they would survive.  A hope that wherever they land, they are loved, protected, and that they thrive.

{Did the light bulb just go on for you, too?}

This scenario has happened before.  And what has come out of it, was unquestionably one of the greatest stories of the Bible.
A mother, who sent her three month old baby down the river in a basket.  Hoping he would live.
Because the alternative was his death.  

These Central American kiddos' moms and dads have had to send their babies away on a dangerous trek to America, because the alternative most likely could be death, violence, poverty, corruption.

And we need to be the Pharaohs daughter.

It may go against everything logical, as I would have expected it to back in bible times.  Pharaoh had ordered all Hebrew baby boys to be killed.  But there was his own daughter taking one out of the water, and raising it as a prince.  It defies a sense of rationale.

And God works that way.

If God can work wonders with a man, raised by the same people who had ordered his death, what can He do with with these thousands of children being sent here?
Miracles.  Wonders.

These kids are my Modern Moses.
And every kid like them.

{And I just got it!}

So I can say that the adoption support group is going to be getting tweaked.  We will be an adoption support group with an orphan care focus.

(And I think God was guiding me here all along.)

James 1:27 and my biblical view on Orphan Care

Im not a preacher.
By no means.
Sometimes I feel as though my biblical knowledge is very much like a child's.  I feel immature and uneducated and can't use big fancy words to describe my faith and the scriptures in which I found my beliefs.  I think simple thoughts and speak simple language.


But James 1:27 has been an important scripture in my life the last year, give or take...so I'm gonna talk about it: 

 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

I personally understand that God has given me orphan care as a mission.
Similarly, in general, He has made me to be a mother.  

And in which, he gave me the heart to love and nurture children. 

 I am thankful for the four that live under my roof.  Glad that they are loved on everyday by both their mother and their father. 

 So many children in the world don't have that.

And while that burden doesn't lie on me alone to solve, it does rely on ALL of us.

If you know me at ALL, you will know that I have been speaking on the border children crisis these last few months.  Approximately 75,000 children are here-in our country- without parents, and morally, I feel that is a responsibility Christian households should take upon their shoulders.
I know many families that are willing to take children, physically, into their homes.  That is awesome!  An amazing example of love for the rest of the world to witness.  A testimony to the love that Jesus poured out onto us, the orphans who were lost until He saved us.

That being said, more families than not, are probably not in the right place to take in additional children into their homes.  And I understand that.  There are many legitimate reasons why it is not right for some.

Lets examine James 1:27.  
Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and keep oneself from being polluted by the world.  
I don't specifically see the description of pure religion in Gods eyes as: ADOPTION.  I don't even see it saying FOSTERING children.
So I don't believe it is God's intention for all people to adopt or take orphans, or in my recent concerns, these Central American kids, into their homes.

...LOOK AFTER...

I do, however, believe that we ALL are intended to care for orphans, and display that care.
 
We can do that by supporting the families who take in these children.  Financially, emotionally, spiritually.  Taking the family a meal.  Babysitting for the family.
We can pray for the families, and for the children.
We can use our personal talents to benefit these kids.  A lawyer may donate time to represent a child who legally has no representation.  A bilingual adult may take the time to help teach the children some English.  A teacher may volunteer to help the children catch up in their education.  A doctor may donate his or her services for children who do not have health insurance.
But thats not all.
Be a mentor to these kids.  Take them to a play, a football game, to the mall.  Show an interest.
So many studies have showed, that the more adults show interest in one child, the more successful that child will grow to become.  

..And simply love the children.  It makes a world of difference.
 
My kids feel so loved by many families in our church.  So many adults take the time to talk to them, listen to them and give them hugs every Sunday morning.
Wouldn't those simple actions make a difference for a child who has experienced hell on Earth, who have had months, if not years without an adult showering them with affection?

I believe God calls us all to different things.  We are all living with His intention. But we all have a different purpose.
And adoption isn't for everyone.  Fostering is not for everyone.
But CARING FOR, and looking after orphans in their distress is a job anyone can do...just in different ways.  And I think each Christian should search their soul and heart, and find a way to show they care about orphan children.  

{Again, orphan care is my personal purpose, so I'm trying to educate others about it.  I don't negate or want to diminish all the other things our Father has called us to do.  I'm simply reminding American Christians in particular (because we don't encounter orphans on a daily basis) how God wants us to care for His children. }

The Month of Thankfulness

Its November, the month to remember all that we are thankful for.

And boy, do I have something to be thankful for today.
A good lab report.

You see, for the last about 4 weeks now, I have had this rash on my breast.  It looked like a bacterial infection that I have seen Dan have years ago.  I put anti fungal cream on it, I put essential oils on it.  Nothing was working  It wasn't going away.  It wasn't changing at all, in fact.

So last week, I was lying bed with Dan, when I just googled "rash on breast."  Try it.  Breast cancer.  Breast cancer.  Inflammatory breast cancer.  So I clicked on the sites, my heart starting to pound.

One website said that if it appeared to look like the skin of an orange, with the same texture, it was likely inflammatory breast cancer, with a low survival rate.
I hit Dan's chest, grabbing his attention quickly, and told him to look at the spot.  I asked him if he would consider it looking like an orange peel.  He looked for a second, gave it some thought and said a slow, "Yes."  I agreed.
My heart then sunk.  And said, "Well, guess what that could mean?  Cancer again."
I slammed the computer shut, turned the bedroom light off and went to the couch, where I knew I wouldn't sleep.  But I couldn't sit still... I paced.
 I went to the kitchen sink and stood over it, thinking I was going to throw up.  I stood and prayed.  After a few minutes I went back to the couch and opened the computer.
I also knew my friend, Rachel would still be awake on Facebook...
So I told her what I was thinking.  She immediately asked me if I wanted her to speak to her dad who was a doctor, a breast care doctor and surgeon.  Umm, YES!
She talked to him- He lives in Washington- and he said I needed to get into the doctor immediately, and demand that a biopsy was done, TOMORROW.

Next morning came and called the breast care doctor a minute after 8 am.  And after hearing about my rash and speaking to a nurse, they scheduled my appointment for 1:30 pm that day.

I went to the appointment with both my sons in tow.  And my doctor did an ultrasound and a biopsy.  He said he wasn't overly worried, but truly didnt know what it was.  Lab results would come back in two days.
Thankfully I have four children who provide a great distraction.  And the next two days weren't as terrible as they could have been.
Yesterday, Halloween day, my nurse called and said that although the lab results weren't back yet, she specifically called the lab and asked if there was any malignancy.  To that the lab technician said, "NO!"
Alleluia, Jesus.
{I had started re-writing my will, adding my two youngest kiddos in. }

So now, I can stop worrying (a little bit) about my future... Thank goodness!

See what I am talking about?  I have a lot to be thankful for.  As a person who has had a terminal illness, my perspective has changed.  And although I try to put my faith in God, and not fear, it is still very scary to think that I could be gone before my littles even head off to school, or not see my kids' graduations.

Enough on that!

Its November!  No more breast cancer awareness hoopla. Just pilgrims, Native americans, and turkeys.

Speaking about that, before our Halloween candy was sorted and put away, Alayna and I started on our Thanksgiving crafting!  I bet you can't guess which one my pink-obsessed daughter made.

What else am I thankful for??

These amazing people.

Loving without borders

My heart is breaking lately.

Over and over.  Each time I think about the border children crisis we have in our country, my heart crumbles.
I cry at my computer, in the shower and driving the kids to school and doctor appointments.

Heres why, guys:

The numbers are now closer to 75,000 children refugees that have entered our country without parents.  Our country still hasn't made a clear plan on how to approach this situation, or what to do for or with these little ones.

The problem we, as a nation, are having is not humanizing this crisis.  We are hearing the numbers, doing the math, trying to work out how on earth we can provide for these kids and stay afloat ourselves.
Where will these kids go?  Who will pay for the financial "burden" they put on our education system?  How can our economy, that hasn't quite made a big comeback since 2008, support welfare programs, food assistance programs, education programs, housing assistance, and even possibly more crime prevention?

Those are just some of the questions on the table.

By people who aren't seeing the faces of these kids.

By people who live in safe homes in safe neighborhoods, with warm beds and pantries full of food.

By people with beautiful children in their homes who have never had to IMAGINE telling their children that they needed to leave their homes and family behind.

But I can imagine these things. 

I picture the look on my oldest two children's faces, if they were told by Dan and me, their father and mother, their protectors, providers, their whole world, that they needed to leave us.  Alone or together, they had to go... where I would not be to take care of them.  Where they may never see me alive again.  Telling your children to go far away, to a foreign place, where they would know no one and couldn't speak the language. 

If you have kids, try to picture that scenario in your head.  The confusion on your children's faces,  the despair, the look of a heart crumbling in front of you.  The hearts you would do anything to protect.  The hearts that you love more than yourself.  Watching as your whole world leaves you.  Fear, sadness, confusion in their eyes. 
Trying to be strong in front of them so they trust your decision. 

It's hard to think about, isn't it? 

I can't do it without tears.

We can't fathom life being that bad that we would send our children anywhere without us. 

So it's bad.  

It's really, really bad, everyone.  Honduras is the murder capital of the world.  The. World. 

These kids see terrible things in their home land. Daily.

And they are told here it will be better.  Even if their family is not here with them.  What a HUGE sacrifice these small children are making for the hopes of a better life. 

(By the way, the same reason why our ancestors came.  Please don't forget. )

So when these kids make this dangerous trek to get to the States, and get here, can you imagine what their thoughts are, as they are herded into warehouse or prison like facilities?  "We left our family for this?" 

These kids need love.  Oh man, do they need love.  

They need some joy. 

They need arms around them daily. 
They need someone by their bedside after nightmares of memories. 
They need their scratches and scrapes kissed. 
They need to be a face that the public sees, and a reminder of how wonderful children are. 
They need to laugh. 
They need to be taught God's love for them, and they need to see our example of God's love in their lives. 

What they don't need is to be a math problem.  Or an economic crisis. 
They don't need to be amidst thousands of other kids in a facility. 

I would LOVE to love on ALL these kids.  But I can only do so much.  I am only one woman. 
That's why these kids need more people like me, people who give them a face.  People who view their lives more important than money and materialism. 

I'm taking part of an initiative called 1000 KIDS FOR IOWA, looking for homes for at least 1000 refugee kids in our state. 

If you can put faces to these beautiful,  broken children,  If you desire to love them, If you think they deserve more than a warehouse home, then please consider signing on to help at www.1000kidsforiowa.org. 

They need people like you and me. 

Picture credit from 1000 Kids for Iowa website

Adoption a second choice?

Theres been many adoption blogs and articles come across my Facebook feed lately.

All these articles mention or end up focusing on whether or not adoption was a second choice, or even a last resort for adoptive parents to start a family.

Going off my OWN experience only, I sometimes get upset at this whole way of thinking.  Even just this topic.

I personally always knew I wanted to be a mom.  (Ask my friends who remember me from elementary, middle and high school, they will concur!)

I also knew that adoption was special to me.

But being a MOM, having a family, was my first choice.  How I got there, or what that family would look like, didnt make as much difference to me.

I wanted to marry a great guy, and have kids.

Pretty simple.

My husband knew I had a heart for adoption.  I had almost a magnetic attraction to it, like it was part of my destiny.  The Holy Spirit started speaking to me about just how my family would be, long before I met my husband.  And when I met my husband, I spoke about adopting often.
A seed had been planted in my heart.  And it was slowly growing.

Then I got pregnant, unplanned and unexpected.

Having a biological child wasn't necessarily my first choice.  It happened.  But I hadn't made that conscientious decision.

And then another pregnancy occurred, shortly after my daughter was born.  This time, my son came into the world...loved, but not planned.

And then something else happened, unplanned, and definitely not by choice.  I had cancer... and fought it with chemicals, sacrificing the chances that I would get pregnant again.

So we finally made a choice to begin the process of fostering in our state.  I knew my intention was to adopt.  But I didnt have any idea what the adoption process would look like.  I didnt know if I would be adopting a teenager or a newborn.  And to be honest, I didnt even know if an adoption would come from fostering.  Nothing was certain.

When we had 4 day old G placed into our home, I made the choice to love her.  (And it was pretty easy to do! :) )  I didnt KNOW if she would become my legal child, I just knew I loved her with every ounce of my soul, and that if she could be my child forever, it would be a blessing.

When we were given the opportunity, we adopted her into our family forever.

Shortly after, her biological mother informed us she was very pregnant, with a baby boy this time.  Again, I knew I would love him, just like his sister before him.  We made the choice that if the opportunity was presented to us, we would also accept him into our growing family and love him forever.  Choices like that are easy to make.


And I think a lot of the parents being accused of adopting as a last resort, are similar to our family.  Their first choice is family.  It may occur differently than they had first pictured it.  But ultimately the choice is LOVE.

And you know what?!

It isn't entirely our choice to make. God had already made the choices for us.  He has placed each of His children in the family that He had created for them.



Heres my point to all of this:

Neither my biological or adopted children were particularly my first or last choice.  I never made a deliberate choice to become pregnant when I did.  And I could never have foreseen that G and then P would be placed in our home.
God created this path.  He knew exactly where I had to be on this path, and which step I had to make, to bring these children into my arms, precisely when they did.

And thats what He is doing when families experience infertility but desire children.  He is placing them on a path and guiding their steps to another child or children.


Why don't we stop putting negative spins on adoption by saying that adoption was a last choice for the adopting couple?  (This is spiritual welfare on the blessing that adoption is.  Adoption simply is God's will.)
Let's be happy that there is a family for a child, when there wasn't one before.  Lets be happy that a parent is given hugs and love of a child that they didnt have before.

GOD'S CHOICE IS PLACING CHILDREN IN THE ARMS OF MOTHERS AND FATHERS.  HE DOESNT ALWAYS WORK WITH HUMAN BIOLOGY.  HE CAN DO MUCH MORE THAN SCIENCE.  HE CAN CREATE MIRACLES.

I hate pink ribbons!!

{And before you go off on me about that loud statement, let me tell you why.}

I look at pink ribbons stickers on cars.  On license plates.

I see pink ribbon quilts that took hours days for someone to lovingly make.

There are pink ribbon events popping up all over in our area.

I see pink ribbon tattoo ideas on Pinterest.

All these things to memorialize a survivor who fought the fight with cancer.  Someone who lost their fight, a warrior.

We are quickly approaching the month of October, which, I painstakingly am aware, is Breast Cancer Awareness month.

October has always been my favorite month of the year.  The colors of the leaves, bonfires, football and sweaters.

I didn't used to be so keenly aware that it was the month in which we remember.

But I am now aware.

And I am quickly reminded of a time in my life that my body was exhausted, but my mind wouldn't turn off.
A time when I worried that I was robbing my family of a "normal" life.
A time of chemicals dripping into a port in my chest, a time of adjusting to a new body.
A time of allergic reactions.
A time of staph infections.
A time that I could truly not look into a mirror, because what I saw there horrified me.
{And I am not talking about what us women see everyday,  not your mild insecurities...Im talking about not recognizing myself without hair, eyebrows, or eyelashes but with blood shot eyes, extra weight and fresh scars. }

Back then, I felt alone. But didn't vocalize it, because wasn't I burden enough on my family and friends?

I had two toddlers and had just started my life.

It wasn't fair.

And I gave God the silent treatment because of it.  I know He didn't give me cancer, but I didn't understand why he allowed it.  And I guess I was mad about it, while still trying to remain in His graces, so He would grant me more time with my family.  Maybe I was afraid that what I had to say, would upset Him.

Cancer is not fair.  For anyone.  But breast cancer is humiliating for women.

Seriously.

How can it be worse, that while you are fighting for your life, and feeling like hell, you are also losing those physical attributes that make you feel like a woman, that make you feel pretty or desirable??

I want cancer gone.  I want to wipe out the need for those damn pink ribbons we are going to see all over the newspaper, the tv, t-shirts and fundraisers very soon.  I never want to see them again.

I never want my kids sitting in a tattoo parlor together getting matching pink ribbon tattoos...if you know what I mean.

I want breast cancer cured.

I love PEOPLE.  I love mothers and daughters.  Sisters and friends.

And because of that, I hate those pink ribbons, and the pain they truly represent.

There.  I said it.

For adoptive parents: Respecting {and not labeling} our children

My beautiful daughters, G and A

As a new adoptive mama, there's something that has been bothering me for a few months.

{And though, I do not like to post negativity on my blog, and I hope this is not seen as negativity, I feel like this simple thing needs to be addressed...And it serves as a reminder for me.}

Recently, I had a friend call me and pointed out a newspaper article with picture of a mother and her daughter.  It read, "So and So with her adopted daughter, Whats her name."

Do you see what I saw (and the reason why this picture was pointed out to me in the first place)??

Her adopted daughter?  Isn't that strange?  If a mother was in the paper with her biological child, would it be labeled, "Susie Q and her biological son, John Doe"???

Absolutely not.

I have no idea if this mother reacted to this portrayal in the area paper.

I would have.  I most definitely would.  I would NEVER want my child to have that LABEL in the media. I choose to try not to label my children as anything other than gorgeous, amazing and wonderful. :)

But then we pose the question, why would the newspaper reporter feel the need to label that picture that way?  Has that mother in her own way already labeled her child as "adopted?"
When talking to a news reporter, or any other person for that matter, I don't introduce my kids as biological or adopted.  I say, "HERE ARE MY KIDS!  This is my circus!"

Some of my kids may LOOK a little more like me. And some may not.  And sometimes, honestly, I feel the need to explain my family.  I know people are curious about us.  We aren't exactly like other families.  And sometimes I do decipher between the biological and adopted, because our recent adoptions have been at the forefront of the Aguilera Family News.

But I don't really owe ANYONE that explanation.  And I need to remember that.

More importantly, my children don't owe anyone that.  And they certainly don't need to be known as my "biological" or my "adopted" children.  They are just my kids. {Lucky them!}

Let's, as a society, get away from the biological vs adopted titles.  And as fascinating as adoption is (And it really is!), the best thing for the child is to see the "ordinary" in it.   Children want need to feel like they are a part of a family, and not an outsider within it.   They need to feel like they belong to the family and not be reminded that they came to it in an unusual way.

God adopted me in His family.  I don't walk around calling myself an "adopted" child of God.

I am just His daughter.  I am just His child.

And thats truly how our children should feel every day of their lives.

As an ending note, I do not think that being called an "adopted" child is a negative name.  Having not been adopted as a child, I do not know what weight this carries.  I believe with every bit of my heart that adoption is wonderful, a blessing and an absolute picture of God's grace.

I simply feel that we do not need to label our society's children by the mode in which they entered into a family.

They will acquire many titles throughout their lives by their own accord.

Lets respect the childrens' right to make their identities  in which they want to be viewed, and not cast any upon them without their consent.

Words that help me remember who I am

When I was just a foster mother with the hopes of adopting, I was searching etsy.com for wall art that was appropriate for a beautiful little girl's nursery.  Then I came upon this sign, and I loved it.  It wasn't right for G's bedroom's color theme.  But it was perfect for our bright colorful dining room.  As I kept going back to this, I thought "This isn't just for an adopted child. It's for EVERYONE. It's for me. "

I am CHOSEN. To live this very life.  I was chosen to overcome these (sometimes seemingly MANY) obstacles. I was also chosen to receive many gifts.  I 

have a story to tell.  And I was chosen to tell it. 

 I was chosen to be Dan's wife. Chosen to birth two beautiful, spontaneous children.  Chosen to adopt a wonderful little girl and a happy baby boy.  Chosen to be an advocate.  Chosen to love others deeply.  Chosen to endure pain, loss, illness.  Chosen to be a warrior.  

My name even means "strong."  I assume that was a glimpse of what I was chosen to be. 

I am BLESSED. Truly. By a God who loves me.  Who gives to me freely.  Who sent his Son to die for me.  Blessed by big and small acts of kindness. Blessed to be alive.

I am ADOPTED into a mighty family.  I will inherit the Kingdom of God along with my sisters and brothers.  I am an adopted daughter of the Almighty King and the sister to a prince.   (Thats pretty amazing.  Isn't it?)

I am FORGIVEN.  Oh, isn't this sweet?  I have too many things to list for which I have needed forgiveness.   I fall short a little each and every day, even on my best days.  Because of my brother, the Prince who died for me, my sins and shortcomings are forgiven.  And forgotten.  

I am REDEEMED and made free. I was paid for with the blood of my Savior.  I don't need to feel guilt.  I no longer carry the bondage of my sin.  I was ransomed so that I could live eternally with my Heavenly family.

I am ACCEPTED.  Who I am, and how I got here.  I was accepted before I even existed.  When I struggle with accepting who I am, how I look or aspects of my personality, there's a God in Heaven, who looks down on me with acceptance.  And even more than that, He looks down on me with LOVE.

{And guess what?  YOU are ALL those things too!} 

Looking at the immigrant issue...from the Christian perspective

I have been reading the bible much more than I ever have.

And its not easy to do with the kid circus in my home.

Each morning, I have my coffee maker programmed to start brewing at 645 am.  My bibles (yes, plural) open on the table.  After my coffee is made, I sit down, and dive in.

Im reading from front to back, and I have made my older kids aware that when I am reading Gods word, I don't want to be interrupted.  I spend at least 30 minutes reading.  I get distracted a few times, but Daniel Tigers Neighborhood can entertain G for at least fifteen minutes.

Leviticus shook me, several times, for several reasons.

But something that I walked away with, and noted, was Leviticus 19:33-34.
“‘If a foreigner resides with you in your land, you must not mistreat him. The foreigner who resides with you should become to you like a native among you; and you must love him as yourself, for you were foreign residents in the land of Egypt. I am the Lord your God."

You knew this is where I was going with this, right?

Our country has a big issue with immigrants coming here.  We are increasingly aware of the reasons, when there are tens of thousands of immigrant children here as of late.  The nation isn't showing the compassion that our own ancestors were shown.  We aren't living by Lady Liberty's invitation, 
"Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"

Our leaders are worried about our resources.  We worry if our own citizens will have enough.   In a country of abundance.  We worry about if our nation has enough MONEY to help these children, as we care for our own.

I laugh when I think about that.  A country who mint has IN GOD WE TRUST, we worry if we will have enough money to help those in need.    

Maybe, if we spent a little less time worrying about if we will have a monetary crisis by helping others, maybe we should spend more time in God's word, live by his Word, and act on that simple phrase printed on each of our dollar bills.  Then I will tell you, we would have nothing to worry about.

IN GOD WE TRUST.

They may not be OUR children, but they are children...

"And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me."  Matthew 18:5

or...

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widowsin their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."  James 1:27

For several weeks, I have been hot about the Unaccompanied Children Crisis in America, and our government's lack of response/ lack of compassion for these CHILDREN.

I mean FURIOUS. 

I usually have to do some kind of cool down after thinking about it, or reading articles which state that our Iowa Governor believes these "Illegals" are breaking the law, and should be sent back to the countries they are fleeing from.

Let's get this clear:  These CHILDREN are not criminals.  Many can't even begin to grasp the idea of the laws of immigration.  (I have tried to explain the laws to my six and four year old, and I don't even know the language to begin to explain it...) They know only that they have been told that their lives will be better here in America.

These kids have seen conditions that children here in America can't even fathom, worse crimes than our kids experience in their nightmares.  Their waking hours become living nightmares, simply because they were born into a region so corrupt and violent.  

And we can't do anything about it? 

I see our country, with our fancy cars, our designer clothes labels, spending millions on entertainment, beauty products, eating expensive dinners at restaurants.   Our government sends weapons to countries in their own wars.  In fact, our dependancy on drugs has lead these Central American countries into ruin.  

But Im not here to debate politics, or belittle our "American" consumerism.  

Im here because there are over 50,000 children in our country today that are displaced.  They need homes.  They need food.  They need education.  They need to be secure and feel safe.

THEY NEED LOVE.

They don't need to witness the racial discrimination, or be told they need to go back to where they came from by people who have never experiences the torment of where they fled from.  

Who are we to further break these kids' hearts?  They have listened and obeyed as their parents, their only caregivers, told them that they needed to leave their homes, leave their families, travel through dangerous lands, to get to this country of hope called USA.  

I can't imagine what these children have gone through physically, but even worse, emotionally.

Is it only me that thinks these "holding cells" look like dog kennels?  Not acceptable for these children!

I am a foster parent.  I see the damage, emotionally, that children being separated from their biological families can bring.  Even when their families were harmful to them.  It creates such an emotional devastation.  I can't imagine if these kids were feeling like they were being abandoned as their parents told them they needed to go so far from home, they needed to leave them, and possibly never see them again. 

And for what?

For selfish, compassionless people to tell them that they can't stay here?

Call up foster parents in this country.  Call up families looking to adopt (by no means, do I believe that taking these kids in means they will be adopted...just seeking families with a heart for kids who aren't their flesh and blood).  Call up grandparents.  

But most importantly, CALL UP THE CHURCH!

 We know the basic Christian principles are LOVE and to care for others.  We can do that.  (I understand it is sometimes hard to truly love your impossible co worker, your scrutinizing neighbor, your controlling mother in law...but thats what we are told to do, right?) 

These are thousands of children who won't want much.  They don't know much other than poverty, violence, crime.  They want safety and love.

Cant we do that?  

I will.  I will house children if the opportunity arises...

I will feed them, give them a soft bed to sleep (and not those aluminum sheets they are being given in the holding cells that we've been seeing on the news!)

I will give them a family, a safe environment, education and Jesus.  

I will make sure that no matter where they go in the future (or even if they stay right in my home for years) that they know of His love.  No matter what the circumstances they have faced or will have to face, God loves them...so much that His only Son died for them.  (Not JUST you and me.  Not just American Christians.)

And I will love them.  My family will love them. And my church will love them like they do my own children.

Can't more people do the same?  

Is a child such a burden to our materialistic society?  

God says each child is a blessing.  

We should have faith like a child, He says.  

My hope is that their child-like faith is not crushed by our unwilling, desensitized, faltering government and a society who feels if they aren't "one of us" we shouldn't help.