Dear Phoenix,
My beautiful brown eyed baby boy.
Let me tell you how I heard about you coming to our family, how I knew you were coming to this world.
Let me tell you how God spoke to me, almost continuously for months, telling me to prepare for a son...
I can remember just knowing that we would be having another son. I dont know how to describe this in the most "correct" way. Forgive me. I didnt audibly hear God say those words. Instead, I feel like those words were placed in my heart. After I believe I understood, I started telling my good friend, Shelly and your daddy. I told them I just KNEW that we were going to adopt again, and this next child would be a boy. I also had a good idea, that you would be G's biological brother.
I started telling them this in November of 2013. They both listened, believed that I believed it, but none of us thought that you were actually already on your way.
{But it is amazing that while you were barely a seed in the womb of your birth mom, you were also a seed planted in my heart by God.}
After this, I started getting signs of a Phoenix. I saw the word Phoenix everywhere I went, every time I turned on the tv, each time I opened a book or turned on the radio. Again, I didnt audibly hear God say, "You shall name this son, Phoenix." But I understood that all these signs were telling me just that. So, by December, in my heart, I knew that I would be having a son and I was to name him Phoenix. Again, I saw these signs so continuously that they overwhelmed me and I told my friend and Daddy about them almost everyday.
I literally couldn't go a day without several things reminding me about this son that was to be named Phoenix. One morning, Daddy was in the shower, and this thought of you was so heavy on my heart and mind as I walked into the bathroom, that I got down on my knees on the bathroom rug and just prayed to God, "Lord, I hear you. I understand what you are telling me. I need you to start speaking to Dan, so he understands too. " This was a silent plea. Daddy didnt hear me speak this prayer. But God surely did.
Almost a minute later, Daddy asked me to turn on his Pandora app on his phone so he could listen to music while he showered. When I turned it on, immediately came on with an ad for the University of Phoenix.
I laughed a little and told your dad that God was speaking to him too.
In January of 2014, we had a court hearing for your sister, where we saw your birth mother, and also heard that her parental rights were terminated, making G eligible to be adopted by us. We loved her so, and were happy to know that she would now be able to be a part of our family forever.
When we got into the van from the court hearing, I buckled up, looked at Daddy and asked, "Are you ready for another one? Another one is coming. A boy." He looked at me like I was crazy and said, "We dont need to talk about this right now."
Your birth mother hadn't appeared pregnant that day. And to be honest, I wasn't looking at her in order to see if she was pregnant. But you being so close in proximity to me that afternoon, I must have felt your presence. Because I once again, started thinking of this son that God had promised me.
Two months later your birth mother contacted us, and let us know you were about five and half months along and that you were a boy. I cried. THIS WAS WHO GOD WAS TELLING ME ABOUT! YOU!!
I talked to our pastor about this. And I struggled with the significance of this Phoenix bird. I knew the ancient greek mythology about the bird who burst into flames, and with its death another bird is born. But my pastor confirmed that it was also an ancient Christian symbol of the resurrection.
When you were born early on a Sunday morning, June 29th, you were dubbed Phoenix Aguilera. I would have felt as though I was truly disobeying God if you had been named anything other than Phoenix.
{And boy, have we loved you so much ever since!}
Technically, legally, we should have been able to adopt you after you lived with us for 6 months. We should have been able to adopt you near the end of December or early January. But there was a big problem, unexplainably, by the State releasing your birth certificate to us. And so finally after over a month struggling to retrieve that document, we have it and were given an adoption date.
April 3.
At first, I was disappointed. Why so far out? I thought we could get a date within a few weeks. We did with G. Before I went back to the attorney to ask if there was something sooner, I pulled out my daily planner.
April 3 2015. Good Friday. The day this year, we celebrate Christ's death for us and His resurrection.
I knew then that this day was perfect for you.
Also...
Dear little Phoenix, your daddy and I have made the decision to change your middle name. The name we once believed was honoring to your birth mother, we now feel, may not have such a positive effect for you. Since my talk with our Pastor Ben, before your birth, I have felt that your middle name should be James. I thought at the time it was because of the Book of James in the Bible.
Now that we are nearing your adoption date, and making that final decision to what your name will forever be, I have looked more into the name of James.
Its meaning: the supplanter. SUPPLANTER?? What does that mean? So I went to the dictionary.
Supplant: to replace one thing with another.
Well, Mr. Phoenix. Isn't that a theme in your world, even just at 9 months old. This symbol of renewal.
Honey, I dont know what all this means for you.
But I think God is going to do big things with you. He typically does, when He foretells a son's birth to his mother. :)
Love,
Your (forever) Mommy
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