My family is choosing to homeschool

I begin to write this blog with some trepidation.  A little bit of fear.

But Dan and I have decided that for next year, and many years after, our children will be homeschooled.

The curriculum is bought, a homeschool room is in the works, and this momma has been doing a lot of  reading...my husband would say, a lot of BUYING things, also.  :)

And although I am somewhat scared to begin this journey- who wouldn't be?  The success and failure of your precious children's learning is now solely on my shoulders! Ahh!- I have become very excited.  Looking at P's kindergarten curriculum and all the activities I will get to share with him that I know are right up his alley...and teaching A's US history course and incorporating my beloved American Girl book collection in with the readings... is FUN!

If you know me, you know that I LOVE our community.  Our town is a little slice of Heaven in my eyes.  And our school district is top notch.
So when people ask why we've chosen to homeschool, I think some either believe I dont like the public school system or that we've had some very big problem with something at the school A attended for kindergarten and first grade.
That simply isn't the case.  Her teacher was AMAZING and so loving last year and really helped her work through some vision issues that she had in the last part of the year, while she was patching her eye.
I dont have a great answer for why we are choosing this path.  The best I can give is that while I have had confidence in our schools in town, I also believe that my family would work best as a family unit united in the home setting.  I have run from the idea of homeschooling for over a year, because it seems SCARY.  I am not the most organized woman by nature.  I can imagine sibling wars throughout the day.  Will my kids become unsocialized, and not know how to be in the public setting? And what if my children dont learn well from me?

This homeschooling idea has been with me for several years.  I think it is a great system for families and provides so much freedom to teach what and how is best for the individual child.
That being said, it totally isn't feasible for some families where both parents need to {or want to} work... or for single parents.  Im lucky enough to not be in those categories.

BUT... I have also been eagerly planning the day when all my kids were in school, and I could pick up a part time job.  {I think Dan and I will always dream of a time when we aren't living paycheck to paycheck, depending on God to come through for our finances to all add up each month...But maybe thats the point.  We are SUPPOSED to depend on God to provide, right?!  Anyway, I digress....}

The homeschooling idea has followed me and several times this year when Alayna has struggled with self esteem/ insecurities, I have thought to myself, "Wouldn't this have been easier if she were just homeschooled?"
E.g. Since Alayna has a (very) lazy eye and poor vision, we've been working on different methods to help her.  Last year, we dilated her strong eye for three months, which didnt help at all, perhaps made things worse.  This year we are patching the good eye to strengthen the lazy eye.  Alayna, who generally has a very sensitive, slightly self conscious personality wanted to stay home when she first had to wear the patch.  She was afraid the boys would be mean to her.  But that weekend that we began the patches, I waited to see how she would feel about putting the patch on for church.  She put it on without hesitation.  When I asked her how she felt about going to church that day, she said, "I dont care. No one at church will make fun of me.  Everyone there knows Jesus and is nice."

Be still my beating heart.

I believe that our kids will thrive in a Christian environment, where Jesus is praised throughout the day,  and not stuffed into a box they can't open until they get outside school doors.

I think God has been telling me to homeschool, I have been running away from the responsibility.  And yet, God has chased me down, and finally, now, I am doing my best to listen and obey.

{And my little idea of obtaining a part time job has already panned out.  I am now providing daycare for the sweetest  little baby, and earning just a little extra for the family fun money.  So God is providing again...Trust in Him, and just watch what happens, folks. }

Since I have made the decision to teach my kids at home, I have grown this huge excitement for it.  And that nasty thing called fear is slipping away.  

{So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you and with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10}

These days are just slipping away

As my two year old sat in her chair with an apple in hand and Jake and the Neverland Pirates on the tv, I crept quietly into my little boy's nursery.
I crawled into the room, and stayed next to side of his crib for several minutes.  And I stared at this beauty as he slept.  Breathing in and out with rosy cheeks and a bit of sweat dampened hair flattened to his head.

And then I started crying.

Because this boy, our fourth child, is IT.

He is the last baby I will watch sleep peacefully in a crib.

His ga-ga-ga's and dada-das are the last that will be babbled in this home.

Today, he began pulling himself up onto the couch (reaching for the xbox controller, of course).  That will be the last time I witness my child pull himself up for the first time.

And soon my husband and I will experience our last first steps, and our last first birthday.

Many days, when the day is in full speed ahead mode, I forget about how sweet these days are.  And that is the real tragedy of our current culture.  We have so many plans, are part of so many activities, own so many things that need cleaned, have long to do lists, and we never SLOW down.

It still feels like last month that my beautiful first princess came silently into the world, but she is nearing the end of her 1st grade year, her hair is longer than mine EVER has been, she is signed up for tumbling and soccer for the summer, she stomps down halls and slams doors like the best of them, she is sweet and caring and brutal and sassy all wrapped into one.

And it seriously seems like last week that we got three frantic calls (we missed the first two) at 4 am on a Sunday, and quickly woke, dressed and loaded 3 small kiddos in the minivan for a two hour ride to meet their baby brother.

Their baby brother.  The BABY of our family.

And though I cry today, and will cry probably 77 times 7 more times throughout this parenting journey at our children's "firsts"...and their "lasts," I am sure that this is right.  We were meant for these babies, and we are not intended to be parents to another newborn again.  So sure, that 24 hours after P was born, I had my tubes tied.  THAT sure, folks.

When I am knees deep in laundry, diapers and bottles, I silently wish that the kids were grown, potty trained, and able to raid the food cupboard on their own.

But not today.  Today was the last time I witnessed one of my children pulling themselves up.
And I am wishing time would slow down and that my baby would stay a baby forever.

THE JOY IN THE MY FAMILY' S JOURNEY

This post is an explanation for why my family chooses to celebrate days that are important and joyous to our family.  (As if I should really need to write a blog about the topic.)

I had several people bring to my attention a local blog written this week: a blog many could identify was written indirectly referencing my family, and stating a belief that “Gotcha Days” or the anniversary date of an adoption finalization should not be celebrated.

Since my family just celebrated the first year “Gotcha Day” for Gia and just two days later, finalized the adoption of Phoenix, we have gotten some attention around the subject.  As an adoption advocate, or hell, even an adoptive parent, a person should be happy when he/she sees a local family finalizing an adoption- a child becoming part of a family.  Adoption advocates, especially, should take pleasure in children finding a loving forever family.

(Wolves in sheepskins, folks.  The Bible warns about them.)

The blogger states that celebrating "Gotcha Day” (as in the anniversary of the day a child was officially adopted into a family) is insensitive to the birth families.  

{Shaking my head here...  And unintentionally adding an eye roll}

As a foster mother, I cared for my beautiful G since she was 4 days old.  I sat through many court proceedings and foster care meetings.  I was present at every family team meeting and even supervised visits with birth mom.  I built a relationship with my children's birth mom.  I know her favorite color, her birthday, what her hopes are for her biological children, what she likes to do on her free time, where she was born and intimate details and medical history of her family.  I can’t honestly say that I dont resent some of the things she did to my daughter, but I still legitimately care for this woman.  

At the courthouse on the date in which her parental rights were terminated, I sat in the back row, holding our daughter, and fought the lump in my throat.  My heart broke for her as I witnessed her lose the right to watch this beauty grow to a toddler, a school aged child and then into a woman.  My heart just broke.  And when I look back on that day, I still feel those emotions as strong as I did that day.  

And we dont and will never celebrate that day.  That day was a day of loss.

But months later, as I professed my love to a judge, and vowed to care for this little girl for all of her life, I felt JOY.

And JOY is to be celebrated.  

Every adoption, just like every family, is different.  What works for some, doesn’t always work for others.  Our family includes biological children and to call the anniversary of a child's adoption "Family Day" or a "Family Birthday" is absurd.  We already had a family and to call it something similar to that would be so inconsiderate and demeaning to our biological children.  (BTW, I believe my family started when I got married.  Children are not the only determining factor of "family.")
And as for birth families and their feelings: Our children’s birth mother lost her parental rights long before we became our children’s legal parents.   Her loss was experienced prior to our daughter becoming an “official" member of our family.  
I have heard that birthdays are often the most difficult for birth parents… Does that mean we should not celebrate the child’s birthday?  I hope that sounds ridiculous to you.  

Because in the end, I signed up to care for and do everything in my power to better the lives of these CHILDREN.  That is my job, and I will rejoice in doing it.   I will not dial down my joy because someone far away may have a gut check as I celebrate.  
I would hope a birth parent can, in even a small sense, find satisfaction that I love the child whom once was theirs, so, so, SO much that I celebrate when she/ he became mine.  

There is brokenness with adoption.  And if you search for it, you can find a way to twist anything into a negative light.  I refuse to do so.  
I seek JOY and LOVE and that is what I hope to pass down to my children.  

I dont want to teach them to seek offense by reflecting my actions.  I dont want to point out the “wrong” with any and every situation.  Because I do not want them to grow up to see the world that way. 

In my home, the phrase, "Be the Light" is often spoken, repeated, prayed for.  Im raising my kids to be a positive reflection of the kindness of Jesus Christ...I am trying extremely hard to make this an important virtue that my children learn.

As a Christian, the day I became a part of Gods family, a day I was adopted into the Kingdom, I believe God rejoiced.  There was celebration up in there. God was smiling as He said, "Gotcha!"  And as our adoptions are an earthly reflection of what that looks like, I am gonna party it up, celebrate, have cake and sing a song on April 1 and April 3 for forevermore.

So what Im saying is: Celebrate what is good.  Celebrate when there is JOY. 

And if you can’t do that, and if you see the world only as offensive or if you waste time on getting caught up on what we should call “Gotcha Day,” “Family Day,” or “Adoption Day” then just keep your thoughts to yourself and dont try to steal my family’s/children’s joy.  

Oh.  One last thing.  

To this blogger and anyone else who worries about not celebrating "Gotcha Days" or worries about what to call these days: I will be praying for you.  Because true importance is not held within the title of the day, but of the love and joy that is shared.

Your children deserve to live the joys.   

Especially when there is so much joy in the journey.