I had several people bring to my attention a local blog written this week: a blog many could identify was written indirectly referencing my family, and stating a belief that “Gotcha Days” or the anniversary date of an adoption finalization should not be celebrated.
Since my family just celebrated the first year “Gotcha Day” for Gia and just two days later, finalized the adoption of Phoenix, we have gotten some attention around the subject. As an adoption advocate, or hell, even an adoptive parent, a person should be happy when he/she sees a local family finalizing an adoption- a child becoming part of a family. Adoption advocates, especially, should take pleasure in children finding a loving forever family.
(Wolves in sheepskins, folks. The Bible warns about them.)
The blogger states that celebrating "Gotcha Day” (as in the anniversary of the day a child was officially adopted into a family) is insensitive to the birth families.
{Shaking my head here... And unintentionally adding an eye roll}
As a foster mother, I cared for my beautiful G since she was 4 days old. I sat through many court proceedings and foster care meetings. I was present at every family team meeting and even supervised visits with birth mom. I built a relationship with my children's birth mom. I know her favorite color, her birthday, what her hopes are for her biological children, what she likes to do on her free time, where she was born and intimate details and medical history of her family. I can’t honestly say that I dont resent some of the things she did to my daughter, but I still legitimately care for this woman.
At the courthouse on the date in which her parental rights were terminated, I sat in the back row, holding our daughter, and fought the lump in my throat. My heart broke for her as I witnessed her lose the right to watch this beauty grow to a toddler, a school aged child and then into a woman. My heart just broke. And when I look back on that day, I still feel those emotions as strong as I did that day.
And we dont and will never celebrate that day. That day was a day of loss.
But months later, as I professed my love to a judge, and vowed to care for this little girl for all of her life, I felt JOY.
And JOY is to be celebrated.
Every adoption, just like every family, is different. What works for some, doesn’t always work for others. Our family includes biological children and to call the anniversary of a child's adoption "Family Day" or a "Family Birthday" is absurd. We already had a family and to call it something similar to that would be so inconsiderate and demeaning to our biological children. (BTW, I believe my family started when I got married. Children are not the only determining factor of "family.")
And as for birth families and their feelings: Our children’s birth mother lost her parental rights long before we became our children’s legal parents. Her loss was experienced prior to our daughter becoming an “official" member of our family.
I have heard that birthdays are often the most difficult for birth parents… Does that mean we should not celebrate the child’s birthday? I hope that sounds ridiculous to you.
And as for birth families and their feelings: Our children’s birth mother lost her parental rights long before we became our children’s legal parents. Her loss was experienced prior to our daughter becoming an “official" member of our family.
I have heard that birthdays are often the most difficult for birth parents… Does that mean we should not celebrate the child’s birthday? I hope that sounds ridiculous to you.
Because in the end, I signed up to care for and do everything in my power to better the lives of these CHILDREN. That is my job, and I will rejoice in doing it. I will not dial down my joy because someone far away may have a gut check as I celebrate.
I would hope a birth parent can, in even a small sense, find satisfaction that I love the child whom once was theirs, so, so, SO much that I celebrate when she/ he became mine.
I would hope a birth parent can, in even a small sense, find satisfaction that I love the child whom once was theirs, so, so, SO much that I celebrate when she/ he became mine.
There is brokenness with adoption. And if you search for it, you can find a way to twist anything into a negative light. I refuse to do so.
I seek JOY and LOVE and that is what I hope to pass down to my children.
I seek JOY and LOVE and that is what I hope to pass down to my children.
I dont want to teach them to seek offense by reflecting my actions. I dont want to point out the “wrong” with any and every situation. Because I do not want them to grow up to see the world that way.
In my home, the phrase, "Be the Light" is often spoken, repeated, prayed for. Im raising my kids to be a positive reflection of the kindness of Jesus Christ...I am trying extremely hard to make this an important virtue that my children learn.
As a Christian, the day I became a part of Gods family, a day I was adopted into the Kingdom, I believe God rejoiced. There was celebration up in there. God was smiling as He said, "Gotcha!" And as our adoptions are an earthly reflection of what that looks like, I am gonna party it up, celebrate, have cake and sing a song on April 1 and April 3 for forevermore.
So what Im saying is: Celebrate what is good. Celebrate when there is JOY.
And if you can’t do that, and if you see the world only as offensive or if you waste time on getting caught up on what we should call “Gotcha Day,” “Family Day,” or “Adoption Day” then just keep your thoughts to yourself and dont try to steal my family’s/children’s joy.
Oh. One last thing.
To this blogger and anyone else who worries about not celebrating "Gotcha Days" or worries about what to call these days: I will be praying for you. Because true importance is not held within the title of the day, but of the love and joy that is shared.
Your children deserve to live the joys.
Especially when there is so much joy in the journey.
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