Too attached

I am no foster care "pro."  Heck, we were barely in the system before being able to adopt and fulfill our family size limit placed on us by the Iowa Department of Human Services' requirements.

{We had few placements before our baby G came to us, and then her biological brother, P.  

And maybe someday when our littles are not "littles" anymore, we might dive back into the foster care world.}

But we've heard (Gosh, sometimes we STILL hear) the question, "How can you foster, knowing what they've been through, and let them go back to their parents?  Dont you get too attached?" 

Or a person, while just contemplating foster care with me, saying, "I can't do it.  I would get too attached."

RIGHT.  

Thats the point.

I never expected that my heart wouldn't become broken when we got our foster parenting license.  Our hearts break over the things that break the heart of God.  I expected it.

Poverty.  Abuse (in various forms). Neglect.  Drug Use.  

Things we never want our kids to experience.  I am absolutely one hundred percent positive that the children coming through our front doors with black garbage bags of clothes and personal items will have experienced at least ONE of those things, probably several.  

And we slowly put together pieces of a broken child.  And surely, we become attached.  We form bonds.  We love.   And during those bonding experiences, we are keenly aware that this may not last forever, and this child may be leaving us forever.

But thats our job as foster parents.  

Because we could become biological/ adoptive parents to a beautiful little girl, and find out she has cancer at three precious years old.  Would we worry about getting attached through rounds of painful chemotherapy for our precious angel, because we could lose her to her Heavenly Father?

That seems silly, right? 

{I sure hope it does.}

We would grow even more attached than we probably would have if she had been a "normal" child running the halls of a preschool.  Even more so, we would cherish all the little moments, we would make memories now, and not wait years to go to Disneyland.  We would sleep at her bedside, and hope to teach her everything she needs to know about Jesus.  We would hold her hand, and kiss her forehead and never let her doubt the love (and attachment) we have for her. 

So why wouldn't we do the same for any other child that we could hold in our arms for only a short time?  

Why wouldn't we give all the hugs we have time for, all the words of affirmation, all the bible stories we can muster, to a child that may be leaving us to go to another place?  

Surely, our hearts will be broken.  Personally, my heart is broken for foster children BEFORE they are placed into their foster home.  But a child leaving, no matter what the circumstances, is hard.  Undeniably.  

But if you, as the foster parent, made just an ounce of positive difference, in the life of a child, you have succeeded.  I can with certainty say that no current or previous foster parent has ever said, "I wish I hadn't gotten so attached to that child."  We wonder where they've gone.  We google their names or their parents' names.  We Facebook stalk to catch glimpses of them as they grow.  We pray for them.  And we still love them and the memories we created.

Too attached?   I think there is no such thing.  A broken heart?  Yep, sure, for awhile.  But there is something about a heart, that keeps beating, keeps functioning, even after a loss.  And that heart probably has enough to give more to the next child who walks in your door.