{Thinking of our Birth Mother Today}

"He is mine in a way he will never be hers, 

yet he is hers in a way that he will never be mine. 

And, so, together, we are Motherhood." 

~ Desha Wood

Dont let your light be diminished

Recently I had an encounter with a new "friend" and it made me realize quite a lot about what people can be capable of (Actually several encounters but I won't go into specifics).

I don't live entirely under a rock,  but I do spend the majority of my life at home, with my children.  I do have a handful of a few super close friends, and their kids are my kids' friends.  I truly enjoy being in the company of people in the same boat as me, so to speak.  I love sharing stories about my kids with other moms.  I love watching our kids play together. 
But besides those close friends and my church, I'm not terribly out in the world.  I don't go to a "job" outside the home to encounter a lot of other people. 

Soo... I've been taken off guard recently when realizing how very different new people can be from what I expect them to be.  Some people can seem to be in your "stage of life"- married with kids and around the same age, but could not be further than who you are. This friend's heart couldn't be more different than mine.

I will openly admit (because Im not writing to fool anyone) that I've had my share of drama... in high school and in the time spent before getting married.  If you went to school with me, we'd all agree it was typically over boys. Annoying.  But I assume somewhat typical for that stage of life.
But then something happened.  I married Dan and had a baby.  I suddenly had everything I had ever wanted.  And I was happy. 

Happy= No need for drama, negativity.

When I became a mother, my desire to look for negativity diminished.  I didn't need or want to spend time looking for people's flaws.  Or make up imaginary faults.  I just wanted to enjoy life with my beautiful children and show them the joy.  To show them the joy,  I had to live with joy. 

Pretty simple.

It got more important to me when I was sick.  I wanted to focus on all things good in this world when something so terrible had grown inside me.  I wanted to wake up and enjoy this life, for however long I had to enjoy it. 
And it was when I was sick that I truly put negativity and unneeded problems out of my life. When people would start to talk about things that were negative I would say,  "I'm not going there.  I'm not doing this.  I don't want be being focused on little things that are bad." 
People were offended.  They thought it was their right to exert their negativity on me. It wasnt. I'm glad I put my foot down because once I did, it gave me the confidence to continue.

But there are still people out there.  Determined to put out your light. 
People who search for offences. 
People who create offences. 
People who twist your words to mean something entirely else, no matter how very carefully you chose the words which you spoke. 
There are people who only help others if it can be used to benefit them or be put in a resume.  

People who lie about others to feel like they build themselves up.

People who belittle well meaning strangers to the public. 
People who ALWAYS see the negative before seeking a shred of good.
People who shrink back in pure jealousy and envy when someone shares a happy announcement such as a pregnancy, an adoption or an engagement.
What they don't or can't have, they don't hope for others.

People who don't do a thing if it isn't somehow self-promoting.  

Someone who believes they are so far above others because they are living some fancy career, yet forgetting to make a life.

It pains me to even come to terms that there are people like that out there.  I want to be a loving person who accepts all people.  But I don't know how to accept this type of person in our world. 

But I know I can't let that type of person into my home or my life so much that they diminish me, my view of the world or my mission.
I won't let them ruin another day, worrying about "what is coming next" from them.  I'm not going to spend another minute worrying about what new false allegation I will be accused of next.  I'm not gonna worry about what people will think of me when a spiteful person tries to slander my name,  because from what I gather, most people can see the truth. 
Even if it takes time. Like it did for me.

It's sad to me as an adult that there are adults out there who still handle life like they are walking around in middle school.  Hurting others immediately when they are hurt.  Hiding behind their computers and social media rather than deal with tough situations face to face.  
These people bully others by spreading false rumors, and trying to start power struggles.  
These people who view others as disposable.

It's even tougher to raise kids and try to prepare them for these type of people, while still raising them to be loving, forgiving and overall to see the world as a beautiful place to live. 
I know my kids haven't been exposed to types of people like this. They are naive to the evils of the world.... and as my P regularly quotes (to anyone he meets or runs into on the playground),  "We need to love ALL people.  Not just family,  but everyone. " Words I've taught him.  Words I need to remember even when it's sooo soo hard.
Sooo hard.
And sometimes you need to remember to love yourself. And not let anyone ruin your view of this world. 

God made ME for this

I wrote a blog in April of 2010. It's my favorite of all my writings but too personal to share in its entirety with the broad, skeptical world wide network of people. 

But its my favorite because I can still remember God talking to me as I drove down a lonely highway.  That brief reassurance He gave me, still calms my soul.

Over four years ago,  I had a newborn and a one year old.  I was working a 40 hour a week job.  My husband was working as well.  I was overwhelmed in trying to do all things, and struggled with the concept of working a job that I had no passion for, when it took my time away from my kids, whom I had a ton of passion for.

I hadn't been given the scariest news of my life yet.  The cancer growing in my left breast had still been undetected. 

I had imagined a future with more children, predicting some would be biological and some adopted.  But I didn't have G's beautiful smile yet woven into my heart.

I also hadn't had a baby born into Heaven.  One that I never got to see smile.

But why what God spoke to me is still so reassuring, is because it is still True.

I was agonizing over my job.  Why I didn't enjoy it or have a passion for it.  I wasn't doing a job that I thought was "worthy" like a doctor, teacher, lawyer. 
But then He spoke to me.
He asked me what Mary was known for in the Bible.  I thought.  She wasn't told be an amazing baker, a seamstress, a leather maker.  Her story was simply told because she was the mother of Jesus.  She was famously and enduringly known as the woman God chose to be a mother to His son. 
A MOTHER.
God trusted her with His son. 
And He has entrusted me with A, P, G and our baby boy coming very soon through adoption. 
In 2010, I was comforted with knowing that I was worthy in God's eyes, being simply a mother.  I still am.

Since then, I've been a mother in about every way there is.  I am a step mother. I am a biological mother.  I am an adoptive mother.  I have been a foster mother.  I'm a mother to an angel in Heaven. 
I've been a working mother, and now I'm a stay at home mother.
God trusted me with these children.  I can only hope I'm making Him proud with how I raise them.
But I will never, ever feel unworthy because I don't have some hot shot job.   I may not be a celebrity or a doctor or a scientist curing terrible diseases. 
But I am doing something every single day that I have a passion for. 
Loving my children.  Teaching them something.  Cuddling with them. 
And they will always know that they come first.  They are my most important "career."
And God has approved.  :)