Today Facebook profiles are turning purple in support of cancer survivors and for cancer prevention.
Typically, I try not to participate in these things. I feel like I'm throwing it in people's faces that I once suffered this disease. I feel like when I talk about cancer, I'm opening myself up for a pity party. {And I HATE thinking about people sitting back and feeling sorry for me. }
So instead, I write about my kids. About my unclean house. About society. About my faith. Things that impact me most.
But I've discovered that by ignoring cancer, I'm lying to myself and friends about a large part of me.
The truth is: Cancer did affect me.
It crushed some dreams.
It has changed my body in ways I would never had imagined. My son didn't know until recently that women, too, were supposed to have nipples on their chests. {Barbie doesn't either, in case you never noticed}
It stole some nights of cuddling with my then tiny babies. Pax was one year old and Alayna was two when I had my surgeries. I couldn't hold them on my lap for months.
It weakened my immune system and I now get MRSA staph infections almost routinely.
I lost my (long, gorgeous) hair, my eyebrows and eyelashes.
I gained weight that I've struggled to shed from those steroids they put me on during my 24 weeks of chemo.
I lost the hope of conceiving another beautiful baby like the two I already loved.
I still lose sleep thinking about if and when cancer will show up again.
I google "brain cancer" when I have a headache, "ovarian cancer" when I have cramps, and "bone cancer" when my body aches.
Some nights I cry thinking about not making it to see my kids' graduations, weddings or my grandkids if this comes back.
BUT...
Cancer showed me who my true friends were.
I also met new friends through the process who've become like family.
It taught me how to ask for help.
It actually strengthened my marriage.
It made me a firm believer that God will provide!
It changed our activities as a family {We now garden our own produce all summer and try to eat fresh/ organic as much as we can}
It guided us towards adoption by becoming licensed foster parents.
And I can legally say we are within a month of finalizing an adoption of a beautiful ten month girl whom we have had in our home since she was four days old.
I'm even a stay at home mom now, which probably wouldn't have happened if this domino effect hasn't been initiated by my diagnosis.
It proved to me that God is in control and placed me on a path that He wanted me to walk.
Terrible things came from cancer. To many, death follows a diagnosis. If not death, at least a period of time of suffering.
But for some like me, through the suffering, blessings are found.
But I can't ignore that cancer happened to me. And its effects linger.
Cancer affected me.
