The more the merrier(?)

I'm starting to see a new trend in families. When I was growing up,  parents seemed very happy with two children...Maybe three.  I have an aunt and uncle with four children and to me, THAT was a big family.
And I knew I wanted that.  My mom had three sisters.  My dad had three brothers.  Family of fours (six counting ma and pa) in the fifties.  I can remember being in my grandparents' basement at Christmas FULL of my aunts and uncles and cousins, and thinking "We are ALL here because of Grandma and Grandpa." It was a powerful,  amazing feeling.  That group grew with cousins marrying and having children of their own.  I loved that large crazy bunch at holidays.  And I couldn't help but feel proud of my grandparents for making it happen.

When thinking of my future,  that's what I want.  One large,  loud,  diverse group of family... One that is here because of the love between Dan and me.  And I'm sure we are on our way.  I am a step mom to one.  Biological mom to two.  And I hope to be an adoptive mother to one or two in the coming future. Four or five kiddos.  I'm not sure.  God is aware what's in store for us.  And He's lead us here in a crazy, unconventional way.  But He made us for this and it's easy to see that He was guiding us to a large family,  when I examine my past.

And we're not alone.  Nearly all my friends with families have three or more kiddos.  I have a friend with nine.  And several with four or five.  I'm not sure if I'm deliberately choosing friends with big families or if a bird of a feather naturally flock together... Or is it really becoming more common to see larger families than that of my childhood? 

One thing I have noticed though,  is that those larger families tend to have closer connections to their faith.  Is it because we love God that we are blessed with the responsibilities of raising more children in His name?    Or is it because we have so many children that we feel we need Him more?   (I know I need His guidance more now than ever before.... as my kids test my patience and sanity regularly :))

Either way. Family is a blessing.  Whatever it looks like.  However it is created.  Wherever it takes us.

Christmas in the Agui Home

Christmas is a time of traditions in so many homes and families.  Here at the Agui house, we do some things similar to mainstream American families and some things quite differently. 
As a Christian,  attempting to raise children who place Jesus (not themselves) at the center of their lives, I've had to make changes.  Changes to what my family traditions had been as a kid.  Changes to what society tells us should be our traditions.  Changes to my own ways of thinking sometimes. 
You see,  I love to spoil my kids.  I love buying presents for them.  I think a Christmas tree with a bazillion gifts underneath looks a lot better than one without.  But is that what is best for my kids?  Should I teach them to expect a lot of material items?  Should I be teaching them to want, want, want?

 
As a new mom,  I struggled with this.  As a Christian mom,  my heart was perplexed when thinking about Santa and the focus society puts on him this time of year.  So many movies and commercials have Santa as the theme.  Do you see a Target commercial with a family giving thanks to God for sending His son (after all,  isn't that why we have Christmas)?  Do you see Old Navy characters bundling up in performance fleece to go to Mass? If you've seen commercials like this, please bring them to my attention.  I will make an effort to shop there more.

 
The commercials I always see have the jolly man in a red suit,  elves,  snow,  sledding, etc. 
It literally devastates me that this is what my kids see over and over and over.  And they are never exposed *by the media or society* to the Truth.  So that's where I stepped in.  And I got all crazy and eliminated Santa in my house once and for all.
The last night of November,  my kids and I sit around the kitchen table while making a paper chain of 24 rings.  We discuss that Christmas day is Jesus' birthday.  I ask them "what do we do for friends when it's their birthday?" I got some crazy answers (typical) but the general answer was we give them presents.  So I tell them that beginning Dec 1, we will be gifting Jesus.  Every act of kindness is a gift for Jesus.  Those are the things He loves.  If I witness it,  they will receive a coin in a burlap pouch with their names on it.  On Christmas day,  we will pool our money  together and purchase an even bigger gift for Jesus.  Last year,  they chose to purchase chickens out of the World Vision catalog for a struggling family in another country.  Jesus delights when we take care of those less fortunate than us.  We call this tradition Shepherds Pouches. 
We hang our Advent chain, and each day, as we tear one ring off,  I tell them something new about Jesus.  (Keeping Him the theme all season long)  Christmas Day, we always have a birthday cake made for Him as well. 
But that fat,  bearded man never makes it into this home.  

I know this will inflict some harsh feelings from readers, but it absolutely drives me bonkers to click on my pinterest and view 423 ways to stage your Elf on the Shelf.  It's a cute idea with the wrong purpose.  We are counting down the days to Christ's birth...NOT the night where an imaginary,  cookie eating man delivers a mound of gifts to many (undeserving) children.  Grr... Some will say it is just part of the Magic of the Season.  But my kids are just as excited for Christmas as your Elf on the Shelf loving tots. It's a magical time without the hype driven by the media. 

Our kids aren't deprived.  There are SOME gifts under our little tree.  But not a million.  Each child receives three gifts.  Jesus received three for His birth.  Our children are not more worthy than He. In fact,  the gift of Him is all that they need... But I like to buy presents! :)

lets be honest

So many times, as I welcome people into my life, I stop for a second, and think, "Oh, boy, am I comfortable with this person knowing the real me?"
So often, when people call me and tell me they are stopping over shortly, I panic.  I give a disclaimer like, "Just so you know,  my house is a HUGE mess today."  I pretend like today is an exception, like this ONE day I decided to slack on my housekeeping responsibilities.  The truth is more like, if my house is clean, that one day is an exception. If you come to my house and it is clean,  my kids are either gone for the week (because thats how long it would take to get my house clean) AND I've been overdosing on caffeine, or you better walk right back out that door, because you are in the wrong house, my dear.
It would be more honest to be upfront in the beginning of a friendship to say, "My house is never going to be clean,  Enter at your own risk.  We've got toys strewn around like a daycare center.  We've probably got germs on every door knob, and you never know where my kids have wiped their snot, assuming they didn't eat it first.  But sure, stop over! You're welcome anytime!"  I wonder who would stop over anyway.
Now, typically, if I'm given slight warning, I sweep the living room floor real quick.  I might arm each kid with a baby wipe (This works far better than handing them a spray bottle of cleaner.  Someone always ends up soaked and crying. ) and have them scrub the table and any gross spots on the floor.  But if you look,  there will always be spilled milk somewhere on the floor, possibly even accompanied by smashed banana,  old gum, dirt, dog hair, sometimes even grass.  My kitchen counters will most likely have a smudge of jelly,  and/or baby formula powder somewhere.  And if that's all, Hallelujah!
Dont enter my bedroom or my basement or you will discover my 5 to 6 loads of laundry that's needed washed or folded since last month.  The kids' beds are never made,  and I still can't decide why that drives me so nuts, when my own never gets made either.

I have a 5 year old daughter, a four year old son and an infant living all under this roof.  Some weekends, my six year old step daughter gets thrown into the mix.  You might say its understandable, its ok.   But Im a stay at home mom now.  Does that change your thinking?  I know my husband was anticipating a clean house and great meals ready when he got home from work, when he gave me the ok to stay home with our kids recently.  I maybe thought that would be the case too. Ha!

Recently my husband went on a four day trip to Chicago.  It happened to be the week I had caught a nasty virus and my immune system was shot.  All I wanted to do was stay in bed with the covers pulled up tightly over my ears.  I didn't want to get up at six to an awake and fussy baby or fight with my daughter about what was and wasn't appropriate to wear to kindergarten.  At eight o'clock those nights,  I was cashed in.  Exhausted and asleep with my preschooler and kindergartners in my bed,  rather than fighting with them about where they wanted to sleep.  (Plus without my strong and mighty husband here, we wanted to all be close in case the Boogy Man came to get us.  (My fears.  Not theirs. )
I cried one of those nights. Sick.  Tired. Exhausted from breaking up fights over who got what crayon,  or who got to pick out which movie.  I thought,  "This stay at home mom business is ALL I ever wanted to do... But it's SOOOO hard!!!! There literally is never a break." Those four days were pretty awful.  I was sick and I didn't have a husband home at night to play referee with me.  I know I can't do it all without him. (Even though that pains me to admit. )
I want to be all things. A patient mom.  A loving mom.  A read-five-books-with-your-kids-each-night mom. A tender hearted and supportive wife.  A great house keeper.  A Betty Crocker in the kitchen.  An environmental, organic vegetarian meal preparing mom.  A yoga mom.  A Dave Ramsey following mom.  A coupon cutting mom.  A recycling, composting,  gardening mom.  A Christ-like (if not, at least "Mary -like") mother.  A fashionable (even though my age starts with a "3" now and not a 2) mom.  A fun and talkative friend.
It's hard to wear all these hats at the same time.  I can't do it.  Not all the time.  I can only wear a few of them at any given moment.  Some stay on permanently, and some keep slipping off.  Some I should probably just let go and stop picking up.  But the point is, as a mom, I honestly try.  I honestly love.  And honestly I don't get it right all the time. I am continuously asking for forgiveness from my kids when I grow impatient and yell at them.  I ask forgiveness from my husband when I'm too distracted with the kids to realize he needs attention too.  And I ask (sometimes beg) for God's forgiveness for so many things I'm not getting "just right" and ask for help to become better.

 

 

(I don't ask forgiveness for this messy house.  (Unless you've fallen over a toy and injured) Life is messy.  It's crazy. But its full of love amidst of all that.  Perfect example.  Right here.)